Girl or boy? Reflections at 20 weeks pregnant

Halfway pregnancy update

Hello everyone,

I have officially reached my 20 weeks! Halfway through the pregnancy, we know the gender.

It’s A GIRL! I always dreamt of having a girl, and I am in shock that it actually came true. I had a strong preference for gender, which some people condemn, but I think it’s only natural to have a vision of the future. All of my pregnancy I thought it will be a boy - a subscious way of making peace with it just in case it’s not a girl. I am grateful I was given the chance to raise a girl.

My thoughts on raising girls:

1. Whilst the world is a tougher place for women, I think we experience life in a fuller way - our emotions, empathy and the chance to be mums make our life on earth richer - I am so excited to see her experience all of the beauty of discovering our world, even with the heartbreaks.

2. I have an incredible relationship with my mum, and I am going to do my best to recreate that with her → I want to be the safe space from where she gathers strength to pursue her dreams and create the life she wants, exactly as my mum is.

3. Body image - this is something I am truly worried about - a woman’s position in the world is often measured in how attractive she is, and this is something that is instilled in us from a young age. Things are even worse now with social media. I want her to draw validation not from how desirable she is to men, but from how she carries herself in the world. I genuinely hope I manage to instil confidence in her enough for her to suffer less from our current system, regardless of how beautiful or thin she is.

4. Her relationship with my husband - I am genuinely excited for her to be raised by the man I married. I can’t wait to watch their relationship grow and for her to learn how a man should treat a woman - I only hope that the examples she sees from her father will allow her to choose a partner that will add to her life and help her to adulthood with a true partner in crime.

5. PCOS - I really hope I don’t pass it down to her, but if I do, I will do the most I can to instil good nutrition habits from when she is little, so she can manage it easily into her adulthood.

How pregnancy has been

All in all, I’ve had a pretty smooth ride so far, considering what I read online about people’s pregnancy symptoms. I consider myself lucky.

Vomiting

It’s still happening from time to time. I had another episode just last week. What I’ve noticed is that my pregnancy symptoms come in waves. I’ll have a week of feeling completely fine, and then another where I suddenly don’t feel great. In total, I’d say I’ve had about four or five weeks where I didn’t feel my best. That’s roughly 25% of the time. I can live with that. It’s not debilitating or stopping me from going about my life; it’s just slightly uncomfortable.

Healthy eating

I can finally eat more healthily again. The first trimester was basically sponsored by crackers and toast. Now, I can tolerate a wider variety of foods, but I still can’t stand fish, the smell alone is enough to make me queasy. Since omega-3s are so important for both my health and the baby’s development, I’ve supplemented since the beginning of the pregnancy. It feels good to be back to more balanced meals. I have not had crazy cravings. I was kind of looking forward to the 3am ice cream cravings you see on TV 😹.

Anxiety

A little bit of anxiety has started to creep in. I haven’t properly felt her movements yet, so I sometimes find myself wondering if she’s still okay in there. I know it’s normal, almost every pregnant woman feels this way at some point, but it doesn’t make it less real. It’s this odd combination of trusting your body and constantly seeking reassurance that everything is fine.

Mood

My mood is still surprisingly stable. Having read countless forums online, I feel genuinely lucky that I’m not overwhelmed with irritability or anger. I still adore my husband; in fact, I love him even more now. I can’t help but wonder if people are using pregnancy as an excuse to hate on their partners, because some of the posts I’ve seen are intense. Where is all that rage coming from?

Body changes

I have officially reached the point where none of my clothes fit. My belly is very visibly showing now, which comes with mixed feelings. There’s pride, excitement, and a deep sense of awe, but also a touch of discomfort and body image concerns. Seeing your body change so quickly is strange, even when you know it’s for the most beautiful reason. I’ll dedicate a full piece to weight gain and body image in pregnancy because that topic deserves its own deep dive.

We have our 20-week scan on Wednesday, and I can’t wait to see her and hopefully be told that she is developing as she should.

I will give you more updates as I go, but if there are any mammas in our community, I would love to hear how your pregnancy went and any tips on how to make it a pleasant experience.

See you next Sunday,

Francesca