Birth story and meeting my daughter
Dear reader, meet Lina
Dear reader,
Meet Lina, born on the 5th of March, with a grumpy face and a cuteness to match.
Lina, meet this awesome person who opens and reads mummy’s writing each Sunday because they care about their health.
First and foremost, WTF?
Writing this newsletter and deep-diving into the human body often left me speechless at how carefully designed our bodies are. However, nothing prepared me for the shock of actually seeing a human being come out of me. That is absolutely insane that my body made 10 fingers and toes from scrath, not to speak about kidneys, stomach and the rest of it. Absolutely mind-blowing.
Second of all, did you know they just let you leave the hospital after 36h with a newborn just like that?
There are zero instructions, no explanation of how to take care of this little human, just off you go with a person to look after. I must admit I did panic as soon as we got home from the hospital. Thank God, my mum was with us. As much as I love my husband, I think we were both in shock.
Anyhow, the whole experience has been extremely positive, and as I write this (3 weeks postpartum), it is by far the best thing I have experienced in my life. Yes, you don’t sleep, and yes, your whole schedule is upside down, but who cares? It’s totally worth it. Let me get into my birth story and the first few weeks.
Giving birth
I wrote the following sentence in my pregnancy reflection:
I am still slightly scared (I am sure this is universal), but I feel equipped with the choices and knowledge of how I will navigate birth. I will tell you about it, so we will see if this is a bunch of bull*** I am telling myself. So far, I am planning a vaginal birth and hoping I can cope with the pain to have an unmedicated birth. However, I am VERY OPEN and PREPARED to accept an epidural or a C-section at any point during labour.
I am happy to announce I still feel the same, but I did end up with a planned C-section in the end. Slightly from my own choice, but also out of need. My little Lina turned out to be a big baby. One of our scans estimated her weight at 4.2kg (9.2 pounds) at 38 weeks. Essentially, she had the potential to go to 4.5kg by week 40, and who knows what would have happened if I were overdue. Her weight at birth was 3.970kg (8.75 pounds).
One of my main worries with this was late-onset gestational diabetes. I passed the OGT (oral glucose test) at 28 weeks with very good results, but knowing my PCOS history, I was super worried I would develop it later on and hence her big weight. I tracked my glucose levels for about 4 days before birth, and they were all within limits. Doctors don’t think I developed it, so I think she is naturally a bigger baby. She is in very good health, and nothing has been flagged so far, but I will be keeping a close eye on my glucose levels and on her health (as I would anyway).
For the birth, doctors gave me two options: induction at 39 weeks or a planned C-section. With big babies, they are mainly worried about shoulder dislocation for the baby and, of course, tearing for the mum. There is also an increased chance that with induction, you might end up with a C-section (double the risk, according to some data I had found). I found induction to be extremely invasive and a long process. I was very worried I would end up with my worst-case scenario: be induced, labour for 14 hours, be in a lot of pain, get the epidural and still end up with a C-section. When weighing the options, I found a planned C-section to be the best option for me. I did get a membrane sweep to get things moving naturally, but it didn’t start labour. I was essentially ready to give birth vaginally if Lina decided to come out by herself, but I didn’t want my body to be medically tricked into thinking it was in labour.
Deep down, I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t give birth vaginally. As I was prepping for the C-section, I kept wishing that my body would go into labour. I think it came from this deep connection I felt with my body through pregnancy and wanting to experience birth. Maybe I will get that chance again, or it may stay an unknown experience for me.
As for the C-section, 100% recommended. The actual surgery itself requires just a bit of mental strength to cope with the thoughts as you are on the operating table (nothing a bit of meditation prep beforehand can’t handle). The recovery was super fast; I was out walking to the park on day 4. The pain was very mild with the pain medication, and overall, I found the experience straightforward. I do think the staff members and doctors were very good (all through the NHS). It is also very fast. The whole thing lasted 1h and 30 min, and you were reunited with your baby very quickly.
First few weeks
I have been pretty lucky, and baby Lina has latched pretty well. She did give me quite a big bruise from the first time she breastfed, but from then on, we managed to exclusively breastfeed.
As for the feeling, it’s freaking amazing. I was worried I won’t experience this rush of emotions people describe, but OMG, it felt amazing. The feeling does fade as weeks progress, but that first week was like I was on a fluffy cloud filled with love. I laughed so much and overall felt like I was on some sort of drug that makes you experience life on another level. I thought progesterone was great in pregnancy, but just wait for oxytocin. This hormone is another level of happiness. Can someone inject me with it for the rest of my life?
I do feel connected to her. Every time I pick her up from the cot, I just smile. No matter how tired I am, seeing her little face just lights me up. The feeling is not as intense as in those first days, but there is a connection that will grow more steadily from here on. I can’t wait for her to start smiling at me, looking me in the eye, talking, and the rest.
As for sleep, it’s nonexistent. However, if you are reading this and feel scared, please don’t. Again, our bodies have designed this in a way that allows us to cope. I don’t think I would ever be capable of putting up with this much little sleep for anything else, but for her, it just happens. I try to take naps, rely on my husband and mum and hope to start pumping in the next month so we can replace one feed with a bottle. I would just like 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
My body
If you follow me on Instagram and have read my pregnancy reflection, you know there has been a shift in my relationship with my body over pregnancy. That has evolved even more over the past 3 weeks as I have seen my body give birth and shrink back like I have not just carried a human for 9 months.
I was worried about my body image post pregnancy, but my newfound love for myself and this body means I respect and love how I look like I have never had in my life. My body has responded extremely well, and I have kept very little weight. For someone who has battled her weight her whole life, this was a shock. If only I had connected with it as a teenager and not seen my weight as an issue, I might have had this level of love for it much earlier. I am looking forward to getting back into the gym and moving my body again with this new mindset.
Conclusion
I will keep you updated on how things progress at 6 months and 1 year, but overall, I want to say this has been an incredible experience, a highlight in life that I wish every woman to experience. I know not everyone is able to, and my heart goes out to you if that’s the case.
Thank you for reading, and I look forward to sharing more of this part of me with you.
Francesca